Substance Part I

Returning now to the previously interrupted thoughts.

I. Empirical Knowledge.

The problem with life is that you have to learn from your mistakes. You are taught from childhood to make mistakes, take the risks, and let the chips fall where they may. If you get the wrong answer, you learn to do it differently the next time. So, for example, poor N yesterday learned (again) that he really shouldn't drink that much. And, in reference to previous topics, A got burned by J, so she's gonna steer clear. Right?

Here's why this is a problem: Especially when it comes to interpersonals, there very often isn't a "right" answer. A knows that the last time they were together, J left her and "broke her heart." In his defense, she also told him in there somewhere that she "wasn't sure she was ever in love with him."

There are no "right" people, just like there are no "right" relationships. The decision you make is the best decision, because it's the only decision. But we've been conditioned our whole lives that there IS a right answer to every question. We've even been conditioned to what the "right" answer to THIS question is: the way we should look, dress, behave, talk, laugh. We all should eventually be married to someone of the opposite gender, and same race, religion, socioeconomic background and educational history. We should have a mortgage and 2.3 kids and drive a 7 passenger vehicle (even if now it's a hybrid) and live in the suburbs and commute and retire at 65 and play golf. That's a very White reality, but it's what we're supposed to do. That's "right" place to be. That's "success". It's success that drives the consumer driven machine that makes money the be all and end all.

Ironically, if you have enough money (therefore enough time) you can spend the time and emotional energy to figure out what "success" is to you. Maybe, like me, you realize that money isn't really all that important. There are things that are, like family, and passion, and friends.

So here, empirical knowledge is incredibly helpful. You know what makes you happy. You know who you want to spend time with. And this is where it gets tricky. What happens when your empirical knowledge is contradictory? Poor A still spends a lot of time with J, but has managed to not sleep with him for months. She has stayed faithful to her boyfriend, and all that seems to go well enough. But J still does make her happy, enough that she does still spend time with him - and it makes all of us happy to spend time with someone who loves us and is willing to put the energy in.

Unfortunately for J, the only thing A has learned empirically is that when they're together he hurts her, and when they're apart he does the work.