Boundaries

So six weeks into a new relationship and 2 weeks into the new job, I'm learning the importance of No.

But it's more complicated than No. KLC had a great way of phrasing with her own nightmare boss: "If I take on this project, then I won't get X done." Makes it a lot easier to give them a choice rather than an ultimatum. What a brilliant idea.

So "I can't give this much and not get in return. My feelings for you might change if I keep this up."

and

"I won't be as effective in this position if I don't have downtime."

Been doing well enough, and laying down the law with R helped, of course I didn't do it in the best way. With S- it's harder. I don't want to leave him alone, because I know he needs someone, and I have to admit I need to be needed. But I also need to be able to relax, let go, and give my stress away. He has too much of his own to take it.

Even though I've backed off, and told him I would back off, but I'm still leaving presents on the stoop. It's partially because I know he needs it. But also because I want him to work through this and get back to me. I can't make him change. And I know he wants to change; but I can love him, I guess.

Just lately, I haven't felt like I loved him so much.