Hibernation

What a bizarre weekend. I should focus on the people and the time that made me reassured in the great friends and friendships I have. And the honesty of the people in my life. J and S are so terrific... and we had the best Saturday night ever.

But then the party for J on Friday, and girlfriend J took a comment the wrong way and... I just don't want to deal with it?

And yesterday I went to go watch the stupid football game with stupid C... And then sweet little R came in, in her little santa hat and arm warmers and all of a sudden it became very clear what was actually going on here. And he started seeing her before we "broke up" and when I realized THAT at 1am after waking up from the vague drunkenness, boy was I furious. Texted him, and he called. Twice, in his defense.

And he apologized. And should he get a gold star? I told him it wasn't smart for me to be friends with him now. Which it isn't. It might not be smart at all for me to be friends with someone who either "doesn't have the balls, or isn't grown up enough" to do the right thing. Which was to Tell me about her before I met her in a bar.

And he told me I did the "right" thing - which was to stay and be cool and whatever and not leave and blah. Fuck that, frankly. I probably should have left, should have gone off to whole foods, except I was so drunk by that point..... And I did go back to see the other boy, to flirt with him, but he was 100% and he could see it all over me or us or whatever. "I would have flirted with you, but I'm very bad at it, and there's clearly something very Weird going on here that I don't want to get into the middle of." "Me neither," I said.

And I forgive C, sure. As I told him, I forgave him as soon as I could tell him I was angry. But it might not be smart to have a friend who'd do that? He doesn't think about other people? Is that it? Is he just so selfish that there's no consideration at all? Perhaps that's it. Regardless, right now, the negatives are outweighing the positives. It's no fun to compete with another girl when I already know I've lost.

Especially when she's an idiot who doesn't know that the Red Sox can't play the Saints, or that Minneapolis is in Minnesota. Are you kidding me?

And yet, she's got "Namaste" as her religious beliefs on Facebook, and I did like her, she's a sweetheart and ... but, c'mon. Indianapolis. The name of the state is right there.

Oh, and did I mention I was his 50th, and "the best sex in recent memory?" Fuck that, man. Fuck that.