Last night was fantastic. Went to meet friend B, who I haven't seen in forever, then a cocktail party/meeting for my new job. Saw a guy I went to high school with who I've had a crush on since he lived across the street from my ex. Wore a killer mini skirt, and my legs looked great and I looked great and felt great and was workin' it and... I was on the way home and J called, turns out he had tickets to Kermit's birthday party at HOB. Went there, rocked out, danced, saw N, who bought us a beer. I was at home in bed by midnight and thrilled.

Today, I was tired and sad and dropped right back down again. The drinking is something, for sure. And I didn't really eat dinner. And forgot my meds this morning. I'm still thinking about C-, but manage to restrain myself from calling or texting or whatever. I can make it until Jan 1. Or whenever.

And I'll have a party for Endymion. And everything will be great - but DAMNIT, I find myself waiting for something, and feeling not quite right, instead of just being happy with where I am and what I've got. Why must I always look forward to something? Maybe my brain just needs a nap.