RAAAAGH!

I am so tired of this. I'm so ANGRY. I'm frustrated at everybody for getting their panties in a bunch about NOTHING.

The girls are freaking about what the musical will be, when I've got bigger fish to fry.

Every time I come into ex- ex-work, they seem to be afraid that everything will fall apart without me. I have too many responsibilities to hold their GODDAMNED hand anymore!

I have eight lists running in my head, and the stupid boy is STUPID and I probably should just fire him and move along.

The fact of the matter is, he doesn't express his feelings for me in a way I get. Maybe that will change? Maybe not. After feeling frustrated and left in the lurch all weekend (and him waiting for me to say something?), I laid out the: you don't fuck me, you tease me, and you don't call. So what should I think? Really, should I just assume you like me because you grace me with your presence? How fucking delightful of you.

Maybe J is right, maybe I should just cut him loose if he can't appreciate what he's got. Or doesn't care to spend time with me. She's right: I deserve someone who, even though he has plans, wants to see me the rest of the time. He asked me what I meant by "casual dating"... "If this is casual dating..."

But we're also talking about a man who's never been in a relationship longer than 6 month. He doesn't know what that means. 6 months is his version of serious. Don't know how much credibility I can give to someone who's not stuck around past that point. Even if he has been betrayed. Perhaps the women he dated went out in search of what they weren't getting from him?

Maybe I do want his validation. Reassurance. I know that I deserve what I asked for yesterday, and frankly I shouldn't have had to ask for it.

And I just went on a tour of a building that I don't think I'll work on. Or work in. I think they need someone over my head, and I don't believe in raising money for an artist zoo built by people who DO NOT live in reality.

And my Grandmother died today.

Better stay away from people I like.