Ah the irony!

My last serious boyfriend sold boxes. What went in the boxes? Amunition.

The guy I dated after him is now selling coffins.

Spring Cleaning

Happy Easter, everybody.

I am at the end of day 2 of a 3-day liquid fast. Fruit and vegetable juices, broths and all that. I just accidentally ate the pinenuts in my lebanese iced tea. So clearly, I'm quite hardcore about this.

I have spent a rather rejuvenating weekend cleaning things out. The closet. The garden. My colon. Well, not really, but.. that is the point of all of this after all.

I have not cleaned out my emotional nonsense, really. Except to realize and admit that I really do like Gatsby. Last I saw him, I broke a Baccarat tumbler. And I was perfectly happy to replace it. Its little Baccarat box is tied up with grosgrain ribbon.

And Okie (AKA TrainWreck) told me that his friends have said he is a different person this last month. She wants me to believe it's me. I think I want to believe it's me too.

I like him. I genuinely like him. He's been gone for a week and it feels like a month. And yet, I don't know him that well at all. I don't know him well enough to know where I stand. At all. The last night we spent together, the sex was amazing (again). But it was amazing in a new way; in the I'm About To Cry way. And I know what that means. That is the sign that I am falling for him, but through my vagina instead of my heart. Not really the best way of going about it.

The sex stopped being recreational. It started having consequences before he left for China. And I wonder if it will be different now? Now that he's been in China for two weeks. I suppose he's about to learn how he really feels about me, since I think I've realized something about him. I miss him. Well, no. Because a week is how long I usually go without seeing him. I simply want to see him. And I really don't want to have to wait for a week. More than a week, really, I'm afraid. I do not think he is coming to the party, and then it's the week and...

Couldn't he send a fucking postcard?

And yet... and yet. I love me. I love my friends. I have a very full life that will not be empty without him or anyone else. I guess I'm realizing that I just might be willing to make a little room for him, in this busy little calendar of mine.

2600 danneel @ 4pm every afternoon. They drag a table into the street and play great cards

All In The Timing

After fondly remembering my Gatsby date last Sunday all week, I woke up this morning thinking I was being had. He was using me, or playing me, or whatever other gerund you can find to describe this feeling. He's shagging at least one other girl, I think in my head. Why wouldn't he? What else would he fill his empty graduate school days with?

And I knew when I sent him my oh-so-clever thank you card it was to encourage a response from him. But I got it, and probably in short order...

Am I just in a hurry? I have always been in a hurry, that's clear. But is this no exception? I've been so proud of myself for just relaxing and taking it as it comes, and all of a sudden I realize:

I care. I care if he likes me. I kinda even care where it's going, although I have given up on trying to predict the future. I like him. I enjoy his company, and the sex is outstanding. I am not sure how I actually feel about Him... re: Using his powers for good or evil. But I still want to know that I'm not being used as some sex slave around for his enjoyment.

Although, I guess this runs both ways, right? I have been >this close< to calling him for a quickie in these last few days.

The jury is still out on this one. I did, however, have drinks with The Republican last night. And I think I am slowly getting better with all this. Each one seems an improvement on the last.. and I am editing out The Silver Man and all the duds.

Verdict for Saturday night? Rock out with the girls.