Distractions

I am distracted at work today. I have been distracted for two days.

Or rather, I have had a hard time focusing on the things I need to do and doing them. I suppose that's the problem with working well under pressure and with threat of deadlines. Even deadlines a week away don't scare me.

My brother seemed to think this procrastination was a New Orleans thing, while I have always thought it was a family thing. He mentioned offhand that he was getting better about it after moving to California.

If I have to move to Los Angeles to get better at it, I'm not interested.


I am avoiding the conversation I am supposed to have with best friend J- who has been frustrating and angering and upsetting me of late. I have avoided it since he came back from his extended tour of the Cape. I have avoided him, really. I thought some time away would help. Instead I got mad at him for offering me a cookie the other day.

Let me be clear: I wasn't angry about the cookie. I was angry that he was telling me to do something other than what I had just told him I wanted to and Was Going To Do. I just wanted to shout: Stop telling me what to do! Stop telling me the things I want to do suck! Stop telling me all the things I'm doing wrong! Stop telling me the people I like are stupid! And MOST of all, stop telling me that the real problem is that I'm Not Nice to myself, and that I need to get a thicker skin, and you're just looking out for my best interests.

Because what you're doing THERE is telling me it's my fault I'm getting upset. Which is just shitty.

And ALL of it might be true, but damnit, with friends like that who needs enemies?


And why is a less-attractive, vaguely annoying girl I met only in passing but just saw on facebook married? And why am I not?

And why can't I just meet someone to crush on for a while because it would sure help?

And when will I stop telling myself to stop whining?