Post-Disaster Disaster

I forgot so many things about this.

Today, I am coming to terms with the post-evacuation depression. I need to remind myself this was not an actual vacation. I'm tired. I've come back home to a house that is a total disaster, even if it wasn't hit directly by our latest natural disaster.

After being relatively high on the anxiety of hurrication - what will happen, how long do I have to be gone, what will be there when I get back? - I'm back at home. And I'm so sad today. I can't explain what it is exactly, except again the general pointlessness of existence that comes.

Nowhere else is like New Orleans. Partially because this is my home. I have a home here, and friends, and a network and a Life. But also because nowhere else is like New Orleans. The people, the smells, the food, the sound, the music of life. And yet... this is part of New Orleans. Evacuation. Underlying dread that The Big One will come and level the whole place.

It's like loving someone who's in remission from brain cancer.

And it is Much Harder to do this alone. And I feel completely alone nowadays, and lack my usually energy to force myself to reach out. What would I say? Who would understand? All my friends have someone. Except J-, perhaps, but he's no help in times of stress.

I guess sitting on the sofa, drinking an Abita, and watching the Saints is about as good as I can do.