My little heart is going pit-a-pat. I might have had too much coffee this morning.

Or it might be the Thing that is happening with the Martial Arts Instructor.

To recap: Over a year ago, we met, hit it off, text and emailed like crazy over a week, and then I met him in person and he was shorter than I expected and I simply wasn't as attracted to him as I thought I was and... it was over, like that.

We didn't talk for a while, and I avoided him, and he knew what had happened, and things just fell apart. We saw each other in the gym one day, and both of us were weirded out a little by it, but ... there it went.

After a year of here and there and some things and whatnot, we started spending a ton of time together and Here It Goes Again. Working out regularly led to me having a crush on him, and then a week of hot and heavy, an anticlimactic sexual encounter... and then done again.

And here I stupid am again, a month later, starting to feel very strongly for him again and us spending a lot of time together and going to see movies and crying and loving him.


That doesn't mean he's a good match for me, or that there aren't annoying things that make me want to kill him or that he's a good partner for me in our sleep rituals or that he'd be good at parties.

But I love spending time with him, and the more I do the more I want to see him and. What is this? Just a pretend boyfriend until I meet a real one?