My little heart is going pit-a-pat. I might have had too much coffee this morning.

Or it might be the Thing that is happening with the Martial Arts Instructor.

To recap: Over a year ago, we met, hit it off, text and emailed like crazy over a week, and then I met him in person and he was shorter than I expected and I simply wasn't as attracted to him as I thought I was and... it was over, like that.

We didn't talk for a while, and I avoided him, and he knew what had happened, and things just fell apart. We saw each other in the gym one day, and both of us were weirded out a little by it, but ... there it went.

After a year of here and there and some things and whatnot, we started spending a ton of time together and Here It Goes Again. Working out regularly led to me having a crush on him, and then a week of hot and heavy, an anticlimactic sexual encounter... and then done again.

And here I stupid am again, a month later, starting to feel very strongly for him again and us spending a lot of time together and going to see movies and crying and loving him.


That doesn't mean he's a good match for me, or that there aren't annoying things that make me want to kill him or that he's a good partner for me in our sleep rituals or that he'd be good at parties.

But I love spending time with him, and the more I do the more I want to see him and. What is this? Just a pretend boyfriend until I meet a real one?

A New Year

2009. Here we go.

So I went out with the Lawyer last night. We met sort of strangely (facebook was involved), but he is perfectly lovely. He's smart, educated, driven, attractive, a great kisser... But when we met for drinks in the afternoon and then had dinner, I said to him, "I like you, so I don't want to spend NYE with you." It's too significant too soon, rushes things, and makes someone jump to the sticking place.

Or, makes me jump right out. He is totally smitten, that is clear, and he should be. But he is not extraordinary; I don't think he's half a super power. I suppose only time with tell, and I will go slow and not push anything. He seems lovely, but...

It's funny to know things like this. Funny to know that the best way to kill something is to let it burn up too quickly. As Gatsby said, "Just wait and see what something will be."

As for that, my Trainer is on his way here, we'll have breakfast and then I'll come sort my house out, I suppose. He is not, afterall, moving to Michigan on a Veritas special. I suppose like him so much because I do not know where it's going, whereas with the Lawyer, I know to a minute.


As for resolutions? The money thing is up there. And 20# would be nice. The running of a marathon. Meeting new people instead of going back to the old. Mindful use of resources. And have even more fun, if such a thing is possible.